I was never one of those girls who liked getting her nails done. It had nothing to do with money or even trying to be different, I didn’t like sitting in one place for more than an hour.
The frustration of it was that it never seemed to finish fast enough. The chairs were never that comfortable. The nail technicians are usually in a rush, and I was staring at the floor, trying to find something to occupy my time so a minute didn’t feel like a minute. I’d smile at the nail tech when they looked at me. I’d pick the same neutral colors, and I’d be over the excitement of my nails being done by the next day. I’ve probably had my nails professionally done about 5 times in my 28 years of life.
Well, today, I felt the need to get my nails done. I wanted to have nails and feet done for Valentine’s Day and some professional conferences I am speaking at in the next two weeks. I spent an hour researching locations to find one about 10 minutes from my apartment.
So far, I have been sitting in the salon for about an hour and a half. My nails were done, and now I’m just waiting for my pedicure. All of those feelings of waiting for the experience to be done aren’t racing in my mind. My smiles are coming from a place of peace and enjoying my time.
I made it a point in my life this year to operate from a place of peace and rest. I’ve been more intentional about just letting things be, relinquishing control, and allowing life to be simple.
We put these things in our minds in pursuit of better, but we don’t always know if it makes a difference. We hope it does. The day to day isn’t changing much, but we hope something is. I didn’t know if the little choices I was making were changing me. I hoped it would, and I realized when sitting in a nail salon, and actually thinking to myself, “I want to do more of these kinds of things,” that my perspective shifted.
We don’t recognize how we can sometimes reject relaxation or taking care of ourselves because of these messages in our heads. We put off rest, feeling undeserving, always in fight mode, tackling the next thing but never just being.
It gets exhausting to hold up that armor. Eventually, the stress you’re feeling shows up in your body. The tightness in your chest, the constant small shallow breaths, the lack of sleep, the back pain, the out of breath feeling when finishing for the day.
Tell me if you’ve ever felt like this, “always running to the next thing, mind never calm, always worrying, feeling like everything is a priority and somehow having to keep everything together all at once, feeling like you have things to do when your body is screaming at you to rest, then actually laying down to rest and having difficulty falling asleep or sitting still, rejecting vacations or rest because you know after fun, you’ll come back to reality, dropping the ball, feeling like you need to be better but not having the energy to worry about one more thing.”
Does that sound like you? I know because that’s me, used to living in constant stress and anxiety. I could add so much more to that, and in time, I will, but when something like getting my nails done felt tedious and unrelaxing, I knew it was time for a change. I know there’s a different way, and I’m working towards it, but sometimes I wish I could throw it all away and start fresh. It would be easier than trying to figure out which balls I could drop without worrying about a domino effect.
It doesn’t have to be nails. For the past year, I can’t relax while taking a bath. I sit on my phone working because otherwise, my mind will be racing, and I’ll start getting anxious. I know, it’s bad, but millions of people live like this. I feel like Talking Heads Once In A Lifetime, “How did I get here?”
I expect this to be a work in progress for quite some time as I’m deconstructing my way of living and rediscovering peace and rest. Until I get there, I will just take joy in the small victories, like finally enjoying a manicure and pedicure.
This Girl's Worth 