This Girl's Worth

So, we’re in the part of the pandemic where I am watching shows I normally would never just to pass time and I figured, why not watch Ally McBeal.

Ally McBeal was popular when I was a child and I only know about the show because Mariah Carey had a guest appearance. That was my sole interest in seeing what this show was about back then. Naturally, a 6 year old child would not be drawn to Ally McBeal.

This show is often talked about as being forward thinking, which is another part of the intrigue for me. I love seeing how past shows fair against today’s cultural climate.

Feminism is about the equality of the sexes. I don’t agree with the direction the modern feminist movement has taken, but I do agree with equity and in some ways, leveling the playing field to account for system inequities. I guess for the sake of the conversation, I’ll call myself feminist adjacent.

However, at my core, I completely understand the sentiments expressed by modern women and I believe women should be able to choose the life they want to live. I always say if God gives us free will to make our choices, what right do I have to tell people what choices they can make. The choices they should make are a different story.

I don’t believe women’s lives should start or stop with a man. I don’t believe I was created to serve man. I don’t believe my femininity is tied to a man either. I guess that makes me modern, yet, I want to be married and have children one day. I also intend, once having children, to stay at home the first 4-5 years of my children’s lives. I don’t want other people raising my children, especially in those crucial years before starting school. I want to cook, clean, and I think a man should bare majority of the financial responsibility if possible. This makes me traditional.

Ideally, Ally McBeal would be a show for me, a mid twenties, college educated woman, living in a major city, with the desire to marry and have children.

So is Ally McBeal a show for feminists or feminist adjacent like me? I’d say no. The show pokes fun at this idea of feminism and argues that women chooses feminism as a result of not having access to a traditional lifestyle. The women in the show learn autonomy after failed dating lives. I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s dive into my analysis of the titular character first.

In a nutshell, Ally is in her mid twenties and obsesses over the fact that she may end up alone. She’s quirky, flirty, out of touch, and desperate. Let me be frank and succinct in sharing that Ally McBeal is not a likable person, yet majority of the show depicts her as this wildly attractive, seductive, caring, magnetic individual. Despite having a lot of friends, a job she enjoys, a decent dating life, and financial stability, Ally is never satisfied until she finds the man she has been waiting for.

Ally McBeal is by far one of the most regressive depictions of a female protagonist in the late 1990’s. She even hates the idea of being called a feminist or representing modern women.

Ally McBeal comes across as a bunch of men writing what they think beautiful strong women act and think like. She’s neurotic and is comfortable with acting as though the world revolves around her.

So much of the show focuses on her looks. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, but the show highlights how thin and attractive Ally is in every episode. They go as far to use several innuendos about it. While I hesitate to comment on looks, I thought she was going to be a plain Jane, normal girl, which was part of the appeal, but the show shatters that quickly.

She spends majority of the show pushing up this supposed sex appeal. She talks breathy, she constantly pouts her lips, lifts her brows, runs her fingers through her hair, frequently touches her mouth, and is highly neurotic. She’s storms around the office upset over something new each day.

Ally’s self involvement leads her to indirectly pursue her ex boyfriend Billy, who is now married to Georgia. Georgia is trusting of Ally and Billy, despite the fact Billy emotionally cheats on her and Ally lacks boundaries. She’s not totally at fault but she refuses to set boundaries. She only gets away with this because she’s Georgia’s friend. I refrain from colloquialisms, but Billy is mad disrespectful. We will get to Billy later.

Ally’s entire existence is about love, not giving love, but receiving it. She feels entitled to the perfect romance and rejects anything that doesn’t feel like magic. Every episode ponders this idea of the one. She hallucinates constantly. Her friends are all concerned about her and will stop the entire world to rescue her. As a romantic myself, this shows makes me irritated. It makes me want to be single forever. It’s honestly an overdose of forced sexual and romantic energy.

Dare I say, one character actually speaks about this, Nel Porter, a lawyer confronts Ally’s neuroticism and entitlement to John Cage, another lawyer, and the response by John, Nel is jealous of Ally. 😳😑🥴. The shock, the dismay, the cringe. Seriously, I need to take 5.

Let’s not even talk about the eligible men that come her way and how she sabotages every relationship. She’s had some attractive men and finds issue with them all. One man she dumps because he eats messy. Instead of telling him, she kisses him just to get the messy eating out of her head. Weird. Why not tell a perfectly good man his messy eating is a turn off? It’s something he can correct.

Instead, she wants Billy. She spends almost two full seasons obsessed over her married ex. She replays the story over and over and over and over until she finally figures out he left her to explore a relationship with his current wife.

Billy is portrayed like this perfect man when he’s possessive, unfaithful, judgemental, and last but not least married. Oddly enough, I actually like Billy, yet, he is far from perfect or sweet. Ally can’t move on from him because that’s her first love and they smelled each other’s butts in childhood?

She does other heinous things like sabotage a great relationship with an ER doctor, then hires an escort to make him jealous, and crashes into a man’s car on Valentine’s Day to get a man’s number.

Who knew the secret to finding eligible men was being skinny and neurotic.

When the world isn’t revolving around Ally McBeal, the show is actually more interesting. However, she finds a way to make it about her again.

One of my favorite characters is Elaine. She’s refreshing and authentic, with questionable behavior. The more interesting character, Ally’s best friend Renée, is completely overlooked. How interesting would it have been to have a show in the 90’s of Black lawyers in Boston and explore the complexities of dating as a career woman in a predominantly White town? Her best friend could have been Elaine. Instead, she’s sassy, fun, playful, smart, confident, talented, has a few deep moments, but mainly, a side character. How uninteresting that she wasn’t explored more. I know her personal health was a factor in later seasons, but even then, Renee grounded and made Ally more interesting.

Now back to Ally McBeal. Despite going through a series of developmental experiences, Ally never actually grows as a character. She never establishes herself as an individual. Her identity is based on how she is able to find love. Her need to find love is based on the imaginations in her head to be complete. The show attempts to give her obsession with finding a man complexity by sharing her parent’s tumultuous relationship, and instead, they make it worse. Ally is downright delusional, insecure, self involved all wrapped in her fairytale and she lives in world where she is treated special for it.

If being selfish and narcissistic are code for autonomy, than I officially resign. Ally takes advantage of patriarchy until it doesn’t work for her anymore. Then she complains about being a woman while enforcing these archaic ideas of love being about feeling, passion, and idealism. She rejects logic and practicality, yet feels sorry for everyone else.

In some ways, the show is meant to be satirical and tiptoe the lines of the modern woman and the traditional wants, but it makes it hard to get by making Ally the titular character. She’s a perky, thin, white girl who the world revolves around. She’s as privileged as they come.

Still, the show has its funny moments, the ensemble cast make it palatable and there are moments when Calista’s acting add just what is needed to the scene.

Despite my harsh criticisms of the show, I like Ally McBeal. It’s a funny show, with unique characters, silly cases, and inside jokes for days. If this were the 90’s, we’d say it’s a show that has spunk. Each of the characters work well together and help to balance the other. Just like humans in real life, every character has this massive character flaw, but when you see them with a full view, you come to love all of them. I enjoy some of the musical selections such as the theme songs in Ally and John’s heads. I enjoy Renee’s quick-witted comments, Elaine’s free spirit, and Richard Fish’s wildly inappropriate but accurate generalizations while simultaneously being the heart of the show.

I hear a reboot is in the works. I hope they don’t ruin it like they did with Mad About You. Bring the characters into the current without making the show sound like it was written by Gen Z and we will be okay.