This Girl's Worth

I’m a Cheers fanatic. I believe it is one of the best shows of all time and is on my top 5 favorite shows to watch. I watched Cheers as a child. I watched re-runs on Nick at Nite and with Cheers being on Hulu, I’ve rewatched the show about 5 times now. That’s no small feat for a show that spans 11 seasons.

I’m usually not one to root for a love story because most are poorly contrived, but Sam and Diane were different. They had a friendship. Sam confided in Diane and Diane was sweet, considerate, and empathetic to Sam. Despite being different from one another, they made sense. At their cores, they were simple people who just wanted to know they were enough.

Yet, the Cheers writers took a strange turn. Once the characters became romantically interested in one another, the entire relationship felt like a gimmick. The attraction became entirely sexual, and the vulnerability that existed in their friendship was gone. It didn’t feel like a natural progression for their relationship, but I understand what the Cheers writers did and it was brilliant.

Once Sam and Diane became an item, the worst qualities about them were exacerbated. Sam’s insecurities and constant need to protect himself made him incredibly selfish. Diane’s need to fit in while simultaneously exalting herself above others made her, at times, insufferable.

Diane constantly put Sam down and Sam constantly sabotaged his relationship because of his fear of commitment. Yet, the moment these two were vulnerable with each other, Sam would melt and Diane was starry-eyed. Good luck getting these two to be vulnerable though.

It got me thinking about relationships and that majority of them fail because we forget what connected us in the first place. Somehow, we become hardened after making the commitment. I don’t know if it’s the comfort of feeling like you can rest in dysfunction, fear, immaturity, or lack of awareness, maybe all of it.

Diane was originally full of integrity, kind, empathetic, and challenged Sam to step outside of his facade. Once she became interested in Sam, she became neurotic and condescending.

As much as we want to blame the other person for our behaviors, most of the time, a bad situation just highlights what already needs work in us.

As you may recall, I mentioned the relationship exacerbated the worst qualities in them. If you watch the show, these qualities already existed in both parties.

In some cases, these qualities being exacerbated are a protection mechanism. For Sam, his glory came from his ability to manipulate and have women. He was revered by the other men in the bar who lived vicariously through him. When dating Diane, he still felt the need to prove he was that guy despite now being in a committed relationship. On quite a few occasions, he even considered cheating just to prove that he was still the man despite being in love with Diane.

From my observation, Sam was afraid of his feelings for Diane and did everything he could to repress them. He even used the most inopportune time to express sincere feelings.

It’s a classic story of a woman whose neuroticism and fairytale kept her from truly being vulnerable and a man who repressed the depths of his feelings in fear of feeling as though he’d lose himself. In short, Diane changed and Sam didn’t want to.

Before I waste any more of your time, here’s what I learned from Sam and Diane.

1) Most of the negative traits you have will only be exaggerated in a relationship.

2) Vulnerability is what keeps two people together.

3) If we keep messing up, some part of us wants to sabotage the relationship, whether consciously or subconsciously.

4) When two people aren’t being vulnerable enough, physical intimacy usually becomes the outlet for expression.

5) Never be with someone you think is beneath you or like Diane, you will be condescending, which breeds contempt. Contempt kills relationships.

6) Opposites usually attract, but work harder to sustain.

7) Once the relationship becomes about power dynamics, it’s over with.

Sam and Diane will always be my favorite on screen couple because of the analysis you can do on them. I learn something new each time I watch them unravel. We all knew the odds, but it’s hilarious to watch them try.