This Girl's Worth

I am not yet back in the dating pool, despite the interest,and while I foolishly thought dating tactics from men in my twenties would be vastly different from high school, they haven’t seemed to change. They are actually much worse. Sigh.

Here are five wack things men do that should stop expeditiously.

1) Complimenting a woman to death.

You is smart, you is kind, you is beautiful, you is important. You is chill. You are easy to talk to. Blah, blah, blah. Every conversation, bruh?

Am I seriously supposed to hear the same thing and form a connection with you? Do you think no other man has told me this? Please, at least be creative.

Some men don’t even try to have a real, substantive conversation anymore. They just compliment you to death, and hope that softens your heart ( or opens your legs).

I will thank you to death and move on.

Making a girl feel special works for women who were/ are highly impressionable (young, inexperienced, or innocent). It’s the first time they feel seen, heard, adored, as every woman should. However, the older you get, you don’t just want to feel seen, heard, and adored, you want to feel respected, understood, and safe. So telling me I’m pretty or you’re attracted to me isn’t going to cut it. Talking about how vast and deep the ocean is, seems shallow. Again, really?

2) Starting off the relationship asking for help.

Try harder.

This was funny in high school, when someone asked you to check over their answers before third period, trying to find ways to talk to you, but as an adult, this just feels manipulative.

Most women don’t want to bare the weight of having to be someone’s savior, helper, therapist, and mommy part two. Asking for help is one thing, if you genuinely need it. However, asking for help, and then not actually needing it is just triggering for women who have been taken advantage of.

So no. Don’t.

3) Not being intentional.

“Let’s just see where this goes.”

“I don’t want too much right now.”

“You’re wifey material.”

I seriously want to throw up. Intentional men don’t say these kinds of things, ever! They are very upfront about what they want.

I’m not a wave and I don’t want a relationship that flows like one. Nothing bothers me more than a man who doesn’t know what the heck he wants.

4) Faking an emotional connection too quickly.

😑.

“You’re different than any other women.”- How do you know that? You met us all?

“I can just tell you’re so special. I feel like I see you.”- Yes, I know, and?

“You’re so different. You get me in a way that no one ever has.”- How? We just met.

“I just feel like I can’t enough of you. There aren’t enough ways I can get close to you.”-I’m sure you have one way in mind.

If someone says anything like this in under 3 months, it’s most likely manipulation. Bonds take time to build.

These larger than life statements just feel so manufactured. Watch how quickly the compliments dissipate when he doesn’t get his way!

5) Mr. Ambitious or Mr. Working on himself

Let’s be clear, there is nothing wrong with working on yourself. There is a clear difference between being an accountable human being and building a relationship based on hope and potential. The latter usually shows up in two types of men.

Mr. Ambitious: the guy working on a lot of things, hasn’t really built or produced anything. He kind of just expects everything to fall in order and to make it big one day. Usually, he’s in and out of work and takes it as a sign to pursue purpose rather than acknowledging his own shortcomings. He uses big ideas and dreams to prop himself up. He’s definitely not the work in silence or let the actions speak for themselves type of guy. He’s a salesman of promises, but not the honorable kind.

Mr. Working on himself

Oh, you know? The guy who can’t answer for the past. The man who has “changed”. Sure, he’s a little rude, emotionally disconnected, and he’s not honest about his past, but he always apologizes or has a valid excuse, I mean reason. He has a good heart.🙄

He lives and thrives on apologies. Make no mistake, these types of men are creatures of pattern.

He talks an excellent game.
You see his shortcomings from a mile away, but his perseverance and sob story is a true American story. And don’t we love fairy tales.

What do you learn about these two types of men? Underneath the surface, they don’t have much to offer. They live and thrive on promises and hope.

They talk about what they’re going to do so much, you forget that in this present moment, all you’re seeing is struggle and potential. Meanwhile, they don’t keep a job or they’re irresponsible, they can’t keep any promises, and apologies with them are very dramatic and common. At some point, you’ll get tired of the story.

To any men potentially reading this:

Trying to make me appeal to your sob or coming of age story is nothing short of manipulation. Using your own life story to get sympathy is a trash move. Is this some weird test to see if I’ll accept your worst? I’ll gladly fail.

Ugh, throw this list away and men who embody this as their style of dating. We, women are tired of the antics, and y’all are just…tired in general.