I was taking an Uber the other day when the driver decided to talk to me about his relationship. I don’t know if he was trying to be funny or if he was trying to run game since he’s from New York. My entire thirty minute ride, he described how he loves his girlfriend of four years and is thinking of marrying her, but he’s not sure if she’s ready or if she’s the one.
He says that when he brings the topic of marriage up, his girlfriend never shows commitment because she doesn’t know if he is ready for marriage, but she recognizes that he is a great guy.
My Uber driver was frustrated because he said he was doing what he could as a man to show her for the last four years he was ready and he felt like she was playing games with him.
Listening, I could tell these three things of his side of the story were true:
1) She took a very passive role in the relationship.
2) She didn’t know what she wanted, so she didn’t communicate it. Instead, she just rejected him when he tried to get closer.
3) Everything he did in the relationship was about him. He was doing xyz, so he expected his actions to communicate his desires. According to him, he never asked what she wanted because he didn’t need to, his actions should communicate his intention.
I didn’t hear her side because she wasn’t there, so I won’t focus on her, but for him (like I told him), his problem was that he didn’t vocalize his expectations, and he was frustrated, that things weren’t falling into place.
As a man, you have to walk the walk and talk the talk. Too many people just do one or the other. As Christians, we are told to write the vision and make it plain. To write it means to articulate it and make it actionable.
Goals are synonymous with boundaries. When it comes to marriage, then you need to communicate the desire and act upon it to make it happen. If two people are not in alignment, after communicating and not seeing change, those people need to be removed from your life. We cannot force out way through actions. We communicate to comprehend. He was frustrated because of all the work he put in to make her see his side of the equation, and not once did he make sure they were in alignment. Alignment requires honesty and consideration, and when you want your way with something, it could be easy to ignore that.
Of course, I have a lot of other opinions about this story he was telling me, but so many men are working as hard as they can without that crucial piece. All of this work you are doing just to say you did it means nothing if you are not on the same page as the person you are with.
When talking about the relationship and where it’s headed, make sure it’s not coming from your ego. Love doesn’t impose, but it considers.
You might not have to work so hard if you just listened.
Of course, appreciation is necessary, but consideration comes first.
This Girl's Worth 