This Girl's Worth

Dear Afro,

After all this time, for the first time, I’m in love with you. You know, I’ve been unfair to you for a long time. You were never good enough in my eyes, and I’ve seen you break because of it. I’m sorry for the countless times I destroyed you, cut you off, complained about you, all the while I was the one never giving you a chance to be your best self, always forcing my idea of who you should be on you.

I thought you were cuter when I burned you with perms, hot combs, and straighteners, it was a sign of the times and I just wanted to be beautiful. Who knew the key to unlocking my beautiful, was by embracing you. You are the truest version of me.

I cried many nights and prayed to God asking to restore you after I destroyed you. Just when you decided to come back, I cut you off, because I thought you didn’t look the way you were supposed to. I even put a texturizer in, trying to get curls like the other natural hair girls, not knowing I was abusing you again. I know better now. I know you don’t need a curl pattern to be healthy, and all mine. It broke my heart to just see you getting healthy again and for me having to cut my hair off to allow you to rediscover yourself because of what I did to you.

I was embarrassed to show you off, disappointed the products I bought didn’t take. I neglected scalp massages, deep conditions, and a simple wash and condition at times. You were begging for my attention, and I saw you grow limp, and still forsook you.

I’m more than sorry. I’m so grateful that after all I did to you, that you loved me and gave me another chance. You grew and I stopped trying to make you something you’re not. You’re beautiful, irregular, needy, clingy, brown, puffy, inconsistent, and stubborn and I’ll have you no other way.

I am in awe of you. I am now so delicate that I don’t even want the elements to mess up your glory. I protect you, I love on you, I honor you, I cherish you, and when I neglect you for my busiest days, you’re what makes me feel the most sane. I come home, throw off the wig, untwist my hair and there you are, just big, bold, bad, voluptuous, and like I just opened up the window to a world of refreshing air.

I can’t wait to see you get bigger and bigger. Take up all the space you need. I’m here waiting for you. Can’t nobody tell you nothing.

And for the sake of our relationship, I’ve given up the heat, fine tooth combs, super cheap conditioners, and chemical relaxers of any sort. I’m faithful to you now. Tell the world! You deserve the best and nothing is too much for you. I throw on a wig or a weave every once in a while, but we talked about it, and I know you’re a wild thang. You don’t want my hands all over you everyday anyway. We’re on the same page. We’re going to have to talk about this detangling and edge situation though. You just gon have to work with me (at least) one of these days.

Thank you Heavenly Father for allowing my hair to find it in her heart to continue to love me in all this time. Truly, you’re a God of another chance, not a second chance.