It’s a sad, cold day when a relationship experiences a trauma. Not all relationships have to experience lots of pain and heartache, but unfortunately, some do. The real truth is not all traumas break the relationship. Many people stay after being cheated on, being lied to, after periods of neglect because they feel the relationship is worth fighting for.
If you’re going through something devastating in a relationship, I would never tell you to stay if it doesn’t feel true to you. If you feel you can stay and forgive, then stay, but if you can’t, and staying feels like betraying yourself, then you should give yourself time to sort out your feelings and make your decision.
If you’re considering staying, know that there is responsibility on your part to make things work. Know, that it was and is never your fault is someone chooses to hurt you. Never let your love convince you that it was your fault either. However the responsibility is on you to be open to a new possibility. The responsibility is on you to read the signs and to communicate what you need, and to decide to leave when you feel like your partner isn’t giving you what you need.
If you are the one who has hurt your partner, I can only imagine the amount of guilt you feel. You made a bad decision, but we all have made bad decisions. Have grace on yourself and know that you can make things right. There is still love in you to give. You can stop the behavior and there are things necessary for you to do, if your partner still loves and wants you, to restore love and trust again. With romantic relationships, you can always rewrite the story. Just keep patience and you have to constantly check your ego at the door when moments get tough.
However, what ultimately will decide the trajectory of your relationship is the level of empathy you display towards one another when hurt is involved. Are you comfortable putting your needs to the side at times to cover the needs of the one who is broken hearted?
True humility and empathy require you to not only apologize for your behavior but understand the impact of your actions. Which means, there might be some intentional cleanup for your actions, and so your relationship should adjust according to the needs that formulated out of the trauma.
Which means if you have a habit of lying, don’t be surprised if someone needs reassurance or asks you to prove what you’re saying.
It means if you’re a cheater, your partner might need you to be upfront about all of your relationships with the opposite gender.
This means if you used to constantly invalidate your loved one’s feelings and you’re trying to change, they may be hypersensitive or defensive for sometime.
Humility says I’m going to make a conscious decision to respond in the way they need to reassure them I’m not going to hurt them again. Most relationships fail because people just apologize or they change their behavior, but they don’t do anything to help with the impact, they leave the burden of healing solely on their partners. That isn’t healthy. Each person has a part to play in healing the relationship. The victim’s job is to work to forgive and trust, and the suspect’s job is to make it easier to do that by acknowledging and tending to the impact their hurt has caused.Egos are not welcomed in the process of restoration.
This Girl's Worth 