We usually rush ourselves out of our feelings. There’s a reason why it’s called going through the motions. You go through everyday life as if nothing changed, but everything is changing.
Just last year, you were in college, pursuing your dream degree, and now you’re in the real world, working a job outside of your passion. Just six months ago, you were in a relationship you thought were heading to marriage, and now, you two are not together and you spend most of your days alone. Just six months ago, you were excited to start a new job, with much more pay, and now, it seems like your new job is a demotion.
Yet, you’re expected each day, to tackle each task with the same energy as when life was new and hopeful. It’s not realistic, but hardly will anyone in the world give you sympathy for it. Instead, most people lament about how they weren’t given a break, so why should they give you one.
Life is crazy, random, devastating, and careless. You can pour all of your energy into something trying to make it work, and then it’s gone. It can leave you literally breathless and anxious. Most things in life aren’t wrapped neatly with a bow. Most times, you don’t get answers or any closure.
And it’s okay to know that life ebbs and flows. It’s okay to know there will be moments that life sucks, and your goal isn’t to try to make life better or to get out of what you’re feeling, your goal is to be honest with yourself and to figure out a way, with all this mess to live life beautifully. Sometimes you need to cry, sometimes you’ll need to be angry. Sometimes, you’ll do stupid things to feel again. Sometimes, you will feel like you can’t see the future ahead of you. Sometimes, you don’t want to talk, and sometimes, you can’t stop talking about it, and that’s okay.
Take your time. Not tying to understand it all, or make sense of it all, but coming to terms with the facts that it happened, and what you’re feeling is real.
It’s okay that you put a lot of energy into it. And yes, totally unlike you, but you’re okay with the fact you even thought that way or did that thing. My gosh, you know to never do that again. It’s okay that they were mean, and no, it didn’t mean anything about you.
And yes, you will have a greater love than that, one where you’re not doing all the changing, saving, and romancing. You’re not going to have to fit into someone else. It’s uncomfortable, because what you have is too big for them. They’re going to have to grow to reach you. You’re not going to shrink to reach them.
So, take your time, because after taking your time, you’ll grow wiser and stronger. You’ll grow a fire inside of you, and an aversion to what you experienced. You won’t ignore the red flags, you won’t do the things that make you feel guilty. You won’t try to fill voids. You’ll be more responsible than before. You won’t choose that type of man, again! You will work that much harder for your goals so you don’t have to take a job for money again. You’ll spend more responsibly, so you can afford to invest in yourself. Take your time! That’s all you need to worry about right now.
This Girl's Worth 