This Girl's Worth

I asked you before.
I told you to mind your business
There you go
Showing up again in places you're not supposed to be
And you always bring those imaginary friends with you too!
What do you call them?
Pain, doubt, insecurity, confusion, anger?
What kinds of names are those anyway?

I put you on time out a long time ago
I told you I'm done with you, I've had enough
You never listen, you always think you're right
You keep making the same mistakes, time and time again
What am I going to do with you?
You're ruining my relationships, creating walls, causing arguments
And putting too much responsibility on a man to make up for the past

You're stopping opportunities, always letting fear do the talking
And you're so lazy, always starting but never completing things
Or not even starting things at all
You think it's funny to hide and you beat yourself up because you hate yourself
I truly feel bad for you little girl
Because I gave you too much responsibility
I'm going to correct that now
And I'm not mad, though I sound mad, I'm just fed up

I know why you're hurt
I know you didn't feel safe
I know that left you confused, full of blame, guilt, and self doubt
I know you kept secrets trying to figure it out
Which only made you believe lies about yourself
Lies that secrets, pain, doubt, insecurity, fear, anger, and confusion are your middle name
And while all of that was boiling inside you, you did your best not to create steam
I know because I was with you

And little girl, while I love you
You have to grow up
I can't make excuses for you anymore
You need to learn to stay out of grown folks business
Stay out of my arguments, my disappointments, my failures, they are grown folks business
I know how to handle them, you don't
We're not one
I'm not coming down to your level anymore
I won't succumb to your temper tantrums or inability to communicate
I won't succumb to your struggles with envy and lust
I won't succumb to your thoughts of self hatred that remind me that the reason we still bond is because we both felt we weren't good enough
But I learned I'm not you, even if it's all I knew.
I never was meant to be you.
I was meant to grow up
I was meant to learn a thing or two
I was meant to grow confident
I was meant to grow secure
I was meant to grow out of a world that just revolved around me
I was meant to let go of the hand of my imaginary friends

I was meant to get comfortable with life not making sense
Because I know God is the conductor of this orchestra
The only truth is what He says about me

I was meant to grow out of the stories my life experiences told me, because they don't tell the truth
And little girl, for some reason,
It's easier for you to believe in fairytales and nightmares

We don’t share the same friends anymore, I grew out of those too